Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   What happens in Vegas (losing your money) stays in Vegas (all your money).

   I've been poor and happy and now I'm ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!

   WWE: 2 people fighting over a belt even though neither of them is wearing pants.

   I want to be rich enough to realize that I can't buy happiness.

   The name brand bologna was on sale and actually cheaper than the store brand today but I still bought the store brand because I don't want my family getting used to such luxuries...

   I have a friend with only one eye. I like to show him weird sh*t and tell him "You won't believe your eye!"

   Please stop picturing me naked... I haven't even brushed my teeth yet!

   I like to think that when you die, you get to see your stats and high scores like at the end of a video game.

   you know it wasn't always called bipolar, it once was called being a b!tch

   Why does the disclaimer narrater for prescription drugs always sound so happy about all the side effects?

   Actually it only takes me 1 drink to get drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the 14th or 15th.

   A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

   Couples who have been married for a long time start finishing off each other's sentences. The most popular being "Shut up."

   If drunkness was a professional sport, I would probably be disqualified for steroids.

   wishes that I could afford to buy each and every one of you a very expensive gift. Of course, I wouldn't, but I wish I could afford to.

   The world is 4 trillion in debt. Just exactly which planet do we owe it to?

   The left lane is for club members only. If you're not sure if you're in the club, move over.

   I wrote a song for you. I hope you like it. It's called "Your Face Pisses Me Off."

   If I don't share all this stuff about me now... it's gonna be really awkward when I show up at your house.

   Look you asked me to be your child's Godfather so don't get pissed at me because I taught him how to break knees and collect debts.