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Why are Adam and Eve always depicted with belly buttons? 
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
sometimes you gotta save peoples numbers just so you know which ones to ignore!!
Ever have one of those days when your keys kicked your ass at a game of hide and seek?
In a perfect world you would be able to mark people as spam in real life.
i dont think people enjoyed kates "train" as much as they watched her sisters "caboose"
says it is comforting to know the last person Osama Bin Laden saw on this Earth was an American
Navy seals now it's time 2 go after the one responsible for raising gas prices !!!
Alicia Silverstone named her son Bear Blue? I wonder if she would have liked it if her mother named her Racoon Red? WTF is wrong with these celebs........
I saw a charity appeal in the newspaper the other day, and it read “Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water”. And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.
I've got 99 problems and I'm not dealing with any of them (Lay-Z)
My plan this New Years Eve is to avoid people who have plans this New Years Eve.
Most women are open to anything in bed if you make it clear you're not going to get anything in their hair.
Work is the hardest place to avoid talking to people who don't know what the hell they're talking about.
Opportunity knock only once, if you hear a second knock it's probally a Jehovah's witness.
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of s$it.
hey... I just met you, and this is crazy, but please shut the f$ck up.
Today is the national animal day,please take a moment to remember your EX
I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world, I'm just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and let the problem take care of itself.
If you're a white guy with cornrows it should be several acres and in Nebraska. 