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If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn't, you should know that I ignored you first. 
Have you ever said something and immediately thought "I didn't know I knew that."
Someone on FB called me a clown. Now I've got to go hide under his bed with a knife cause that's what clowns do.
I will climb the highest mountain. Swim the deepest sea. I will cross the desert land. I would do anything to get away from you.
Having kids is a lot like living in a frat house. Everythings sticky and your not quite sure why...
Today feels like a pull the fire alarm kinda day.
The saddest part in The Lion King 3D is that part when I can't afford a movie ticket at 27 years old.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please take them off.
I didn't text you to exercise my fingers, I want a damn reply.
Get ready for a thousand Gaddafi jokes *yawn*
Friends are forever, until they are in relationship.
going to climb his neighbours fence, steal his barking dog, put it in my yard and see how he likes to be kept awake all night
I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
concerned your choice in alcoholic beverages is now based on calorie count rather than intoxication efficiency
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content
It's all fun and games til they open up the trunk...
Why does the day after payday feel just like the day before payday???
I am tired of being an adult... Can't I just play all day!?
Thats the last time I order cheap printer cartridges from yemen.......
Word to the wise... Sending an engagement request to your girlfriends facebook is not a good way to propose 