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Navy Seals.......Terminix for a larger cockroach........ 
Regardless of whether or not I should know better, I thought we had already established that no, I do not.
If people had to spell something correctly before being allowed to criticize it, Facebook would be much more peaceful.
It's so annoying when someone is talking and I'm trying to interrupt
Everytime I drink I break my "No" button. Yes, I want another drink. Yes, you can take me home. Yes, I'm sure I can drive. Yes, I will dance on the bar."
You know that feeling when you arrive at work in the morning excited for the new day, looking forward to new challenges? Me neither.
Save money on a bigger TV by simply moving the couch closer to your existing one.
RIP Macho Man. He must of had an early boarding pass for the rapture. You will be missed......
The term weekend could have a whole new meaning tomorrow.
Unf*cking believable, I expected to see Zombies outside of my apartment, you know what I saw? A dog taking a dump
the elevator to success is out of order please use the stairs, one step at a time
When someone from customer service says, "that is an excellent question"... they're basically saying they don't have a clue about the answer.
Just watched the movie Scarface. I'm not one to judge, but if you use your entire hand to make the line you might have a drug problem.
yes we know you are heartbroken but please stop posting all those sad youtube songs.
Temper is what gets most of us into trouble... Pride is what keeps us there.
You know you're getting old when 'happy hour' is an afternoon nap
Freedom is never free. But it will lower gas prices soon !
Hung-over, Adj. Suffering from near death like state, often catatonic and always with a pounding headache. Unbalanced with no sense of humor. Needs total silence and another drink.
I don't fear love's magic, I just fear some magicians.
I can't completely hate on Valentine's Day since its ending signifies the beginning of Cadbury Egg season, one of the greatest seasons EVER! 