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You know the economy is getting bad when the ice cream truck has a sign on it that says we now accept foodstamps, Visa and Mastercard. 
Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days when I was six and my biggest problem was what kind of dress to put on my Barbie's or whether or not I had enough Lego's to build a fort
Just Unfriended a Facebook Friend on their Birthday… that takes TRUE GRIT!
I am on hold. My call is important to them.
I hate when I have a dream about fighting someone and then waking up and being pissed at them for no good reason
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats
Facebook blocked at work. 2012 has come much earlier than anticipated.
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you could have a key made
The Skort: skirt in the front, shorts in the back; it's like a mullet for your butt!!
I seriously wonder how people find me on Facebook when we have 0 mutual friends
If friends could be bought at the store, I'd buy you. And I'd get a good deal because those “slightly irregular” bins are always discounted.
Although it's true that when I think about you I touch myself, it usually involves a sharp instrument to the heart region…you know, as a reminder….
I miss the good ole days when moms wanted us home for dinner she didn't have to use a cell. Her speed dial was yelling "time to eat" out the window.
Drink up! Its somebody's birthday today!!
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
Just saw a story on CNN about bomb sniffing mice. When they smell an explosive they run...Re-confirms what I already knew, if you see a mouse running around...RUN!!!
Just once I would like to see a sanitary commercial where the actress actually has a normal peroid- cranky and eating a snickers bar, not happy and playing sport!
Did you know? Line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom.
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells “You should have been here at 8:30!” he replies: “Why? What happened at 8:30?”
Developing News: I already started drinking. 