g0re Funny Status Messages

   They say that if a guy has big feet it means that he has a big pen!s. That just makes the thought of being raped by clowns even scarier.

   i have 2 sisters,one 14 and the other 6. the 14 year old was arguing with the 6 year old and said" SANTA ISN'T REAL!" without blinking,the 6 year old said"neither is edward cullen!" I don't wanna be mean so i'll say this,one ran away crying.

   The girls at Hooters may be hot, but when it comes down to it, the girls at Subway are the real wife material.

   Overhearing someone ask their friend a question sucks when you know the answer, but can't exhibit your amazing knowledge without seeming like a weirdo for listening to their conversation.

   It sucks when you make a really awesome post but then someone steals your glory with an even better comment.

   You know when you have to wash the dishes when you are eating salad out of a coffee cup.

   How many teenage girls does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven: one to change the lightbulb and ten to each take 200 photos of the event for facebook, clog up your news feed, and later on edit the pictures to black and white.

   Wouldn't it stink if there were thousands of other planets that had life, and we on Earth were the ONLY ones who didn't know? And we were the butt of aliens' jokes, i.e. "You're stupid as an Earthling."

   If somebody does a backflip, they automatically become a bada$$.

   Don't you wish common sense would make a big comeback.

   Whoever said that nothing rhymes with orange clearly doesn't know the correct pronunciation of 'nothing,'

   Today I changed my name in my dads phone to God and when he swore I texted him saying "I HEARD THAT!" The look on his face; priceless.

   Boobs are like the sun, you can only take quick glances, but wear sunglasses and you can look until the world ends.

   Anything that comes in a spray can doubles as a bug killer.

   It takes a brave man to admit he's wrong. It takes a braver man to not delete the original comment.

   Candy companies need to learn that making a candy bar and eighth of its original size does not make it "fun sized," it just makes more wrappers to throw away.

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everybody remembers it except you.

   I was so drunk last night when I got to the bottom of the stairs I took off my shoes, coat, top, pants and boxers as slowly as I could. I crept upstairs very quietly, it was only when I got to the top of the stairs I realised I was on the f*cking bus!

   It sucks when the trailer makes a movie seem funny but when you watch it you realize that literally all the funny parts were just in the trailer.

   Hallmark movies give un-attractive, single girls false hope.