Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes I click the "LIKE" button on people's statuses just so I can then click the "UNLIKE" button. One of my many cheap thrills...

   When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail.

   The way to a girl's heart is presents. The way to a woman's heart is presence.

   Moving sucks! Why hasn't anyone invented Copy and Paste for real life?

   When writing the story of your life... Don't let anyone hold the pen!!!

   If a super villain attacks my house whose only weakness is leftover soy sauce packets from the take-out place, he is so f'ked.

   You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you're laying in the hospital dying of nothing.

   Air Freshener: Because there's no louder way of telling the whole house you've just taken a sh*t...

   "Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook!

   Why do people say ''I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?

   Organized people are just people who are too lazy to look for things.

   If you're telling me to relax, it's probably your fault that I'm not.

   My life wasn't complete until I met you,,,,,,, You COMPLETELY ruined it. Thanks...

   100% of the people that talk sh!t about your life, have sh!ttier lives than you.

   MTV has announced the cancellation of the show "Jersey Shore." Please join me in a moment of silence. OK, that was too long.

   Some girls seem to think that LOVE stands for Legs Open Very Easy!

   Know that stunning girl who says naughty things and constantly posts pics of herself? I GUARANTEE you'd be SICK of her in like two weeks.

   Ever wonder what your face is doing when you aren't paying attention?

   The Walkman is offically dead. We had some good times in the 80's, and early 90's. You're in a better place now. RIP

   ■Twitter makes me like strangers I've never met and Facebook makes me dislike people I know in real life.