anonymous Funny Status Messages

   not on speaking terms with his liver

   informing you that 95% of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5% that would shout Jump!!

   would have brought sexy back but I lost the receipt

   was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when he realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

   pities the fool

   can't believe its not butter!

   im so tired and sleepy that I might just sleep off on my keyboarrrdddddddgjcklyfjhjk dk;hdktyggy;f

   now understands, the reason he cant find his car keys is because he doesnt have a car.

   in court her imaginary friend filed a restraining order against her

   normal..it's everyone else that's weird.

   cool like the other side of the pillow

   thinks the future isn't quite what it used to be

   going over his plans for world domination and all those who have crossed him in the past will be unmercifully slaughtered....have a great day!!

   looking at you naked (mood: disappointed)

   "sniffing glue, going to the zoo, gonna free all the kangaroos. Suck it Dr. Seuss!"

   boycotting mornings

   going to jam out with her clam out

   applied for job at AIG, I heard they get paid!

   wondering when will he ever learn the answer to lifes problems arent at the bottom of a bottle, theyre on facebook!!!!!

   not FDA approved yet