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My driver's side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I'm probably gonna starve to death.. 
well done naagraj, 8 consecutive posts with no likes. Your a legend
When will women ever learn? Never introduce your man to your hotter friend.
Hey Motels, you can take the "Color TV" signs down now. We know....
I miss the days when you could simply push somebody in the pool without wondering if their iPhone is in their pocket!
I like mario. he's cool. he's all like " hello, I'm maaarrio, I'm a Italian plumber created by japanese people, who speaks English and looks like a Mexican."
Sitting here watching thousands of dollars worth of food be thrown away on Hell's Kitchen while I eat my Ramen.
If someone held a gun to my head I still don't think it would be as scary as almost tipping backwards off of a chair
Everything ██is█████ ████ ████fine ███ █ ████ love. ████ █████ the ███ Egypt ███ ████ government ██
Why is it when someone's girlfriend or wife gets pregnant, her friends rub her belly and say congratulations, but no one rubs a man's penis and says good job?
In the Beginning, God made the Heaven and Earth. The rest was Made in China.
I just changed all my passwords to "incorrect", so my computer reminds me every time I forget...
Just a quick message to all the chics out there...Having over a thousand friends on facebook and 75% of them are men doesn't mean you are popular....it means your vagina is!!!
Upon stubbing my toe while at my parents house, I yelled out "Mother Fucker!" at that my dad responded "Present!"... as gross as that was, I had to high five him.
Today I saw two of my Facebook friends join a group called "I hold my boobs when I run down the stairs".
My mother-in-law's coming,,,,, I had to clear out half my closet so she has a place to hang upside down and sleep
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would send somebody to accept it for me.
Don't you HATE it when your ex says to you "I'm here if you ever need me". Where the f**k were you when we were together and I needed you?
Just once I want to see a marathon winner cross the finish line and immediately fire up a cigarette.
Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was. 