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Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas? 
Fun Fact: Ryan Lochte originally took up swimming because his pants were always on fire.
Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?.. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?
The winds of change can blow me.
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave..
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
my dad calls me BJ because that's all I was ever supposed to be :(
When someone says "Only God can judge me" what they are really saying "I know it's wrong but I still don't care."
I have decided to host the Oscars
The best credit card rewards program is to avoid credit card debt.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.
Wouldn't it be nice to have the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 5 year old.
Only resort to violence if necessary like if a coworker says "another day in paradise".
Bank Teller: "Sir, your account is overdrawn." Me: "So are your eyebrows, but you made it work, didn't you?"
If you don't smile and show everyone your teeth when you're eating Oreos then you're probably more mature than me.
Mayonnaise is basically sandwich moisturizer.
I really don’t understand why my neighbors have to be outside when I’m outside.
Will I be able to drink with these? - First question when prescribed meds
Honk if you are flying south for the winter in a V formation.
Politician: someone who only opens their mouth to change feet. 