Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   knows the difference between a straight girl and a lesbian. About a bottle and a half of wine.

   When God asks what you've done with your life, try not to say “Didn't you read my statuses?”

   Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

   ..if I want to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet ,i'll put shoes on my cats!

   These days, the only way I get rolled in the hay is if I get mugged behind the barn

   I went to the bookshop and asked "How much are your "For Dummies" books?" The guy replied "How much ya got?"

   ..is making it look she has an IPad by drawing out the internet on her Etch-a-Sketch.

   My friend was too cheap to hire a proper butler. So he ended up with one with no left arm. Serves him right.

   I went to have Botox, the surgeon said to me "That's $8000 dollars please" I couldn't even looked shocked.

   At the Edinburgh Festival Fringe this year,this was voted as the best one-liner :"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.". Those Scots. What a hilarious bunch they are.

   ..wonders what life was like before Facebook. Oh yeah. MySpace.

   unless your my thong, don't be up my arse!

   A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; "F*ck off, you won't bring it back."

   If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, eating magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music... think about it.

   How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? Its not hard.

   Who else, when they buy a magazine with a CD on the front, picks off the glue that holds it in place and rolls it around their fingers like it's some kind of mega snot?

   hacked into Santa's computer,cleared the naughty list out..and has changed "coal" under Present List to "PS3""Wii" and "iphone".

   Local girl Joanna Mow leaps to her death on her birthday... Your middle name wouldn't be Ronny would it ,Jo?

   How can you tell if your chocolate Easter bunny is male or female? Bite it's head off. If it's hollow,it's a male.

   ..is so blonde,she thought a thesaurus was a dinosaur.