ZINC Funny Status Messages

   Some DJ keeps calling my phone and leaving me mixed messages.

   I can cope with voices in my head but it is the voices outside my head that are going to drive me crazy.

   This Cinco de Mayo, let's party like Mexican rock stars if they existed.

   glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by both men as well as women.

   life is short…smile while you still have teeth

   My New Year's Resolution? 1080p.

   I just realized that sometimes I can be a little condescending (that means I talk down to people).

   Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"

   4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep

   I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy.

   Came home to find all the doors and windows open and everything gone..what kind of sick person would do that to someone's advent calendar??

   Did I already post my Alzheimer update?

   Just tried to change my password to 'Twilight,' but Facebook wouldn't let me. Said there's too many useless characters.

   Nice try, St. Patrick’s Day, but I don’t need a reason to drink.

   Don't think of it as 5-day-old pizza you found in the fridge, think of it as...pizza jerky.

   NASA found methane on Mars! Proving once again that no matter how ancient a civilization is, it's farts that truly endure.

   Drank way too much beer last night. Didn't leave any for this morning.

   i was winning egg hunts before I was even born

   Michael Phelps probaby just threw away any of his medals that weren't gold.

   If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates - Jay Leno