Mick F Funny Status Messages

   What's with all those sub categories in facebook's relationship status option? For example...what's a Domestic Partnership? She vacuums while he dusts?

   I'm an angel. Honest. The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.

   I love the holidays. A time when people are supposed to be more nice and caring, actually become bigger a$$holes than they are the rest of the year.

   The biggest trick life plays on us, is the inability to fully appreciate something until it's gone. Except for broccoli.

   Someday, I hope to disappoint a burglar with my one and only possession. A kitchen drawer filled with Taco Bell sauce packets.

   The DC Earthquake was caused by direct reverberations from the opposite side of the Earth. It's from China jumping up and down in anger when they realized they're not gonna get their money back.

   If ‘ifs' and ‘buts' were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas.

   When I was a kid, I didn't think humans could move their feet like Fred Flintstone. That is until that time the Ice Cream truck passed my house without stopping.

   The Twelve Jurors In The Casey Anthony Trial. Names Released! Homer Simpson, Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Curly Howard, Kelly Bundy, Eric Cartman Joey Tribbiani, Beavis, Butthead, Edith Bunker, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Coyote.

   Wow, it's beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen.

   Pringles. A real chip wasn't good enough. So they smash a potato, add chemicals, add liquid, turn it into a paste, then put it in a mold where it is artificially made to resemble a real chip, but with no flavor. Then put 'em in a tennis ball can

   I keep playing my Highway to Hell cd over and over. I think I have OCDC.

   Trying to get someone to agree with your political or religious viewpoint, is as futile as trying to convince a mother that her baby isn't the cutest thing ever.

   There should be three options for facebook posts. "Like", "Dislike", and "Yep, I'm In The 95 Percentile That Doesn't Get It".

   That Sinking Feeling: Facebook has worked very hard at making its new Timeline Profiles look like MySpace.

   I try to let women think I'm mysterious and not hard up....that's why I wait a good 45 seconds before I Poke someone back on facebook.

   My optic nerve crossed with my a$$hole, and gave me a sh*tty outlook on life.

   I told some guy his fly was open. He asked me if I noticed a soldier standing at attention. I said. "No, I saw a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

   I'm on a jet, flying to Europe. "Would you like dinner?", the flight attendant asked. I go, "What are my choices?". She said, "Yes or no."

   Dear God, Please send some nice clothes for that poor lady in Daddy's computer who hasn't got any. Love, Paul XXX