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Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced" 
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Microsoft Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my eleven page essay that I swear I didn't make any changes to.!
We should feed tuna fish mayonnaise, thereby saving a step in the sandwich making process
If your relationship has more issues than a magazine stand then I suggest you cancel that subscription!
BBC News: Questions being asked why bomb detecting equipment didn't detect fake bomb on board plane which flew from London to Istanbul. Erm, because it wasn't a bomb?
Attracting men is just like fishing. You just have to wiggle the bait.
Would like to remind all my friends who also spent Valentine's day alone, St. Patricks day is only a month away... Start drinking!
What did things taste like before there were chickens?
Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven.
Tomorrow is the end? Then I call "SHOTGUN"!!
Jail..the government's way of sending you to your room.
My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
happy and I knew it and then I clapped my hand, everyone thought I was weirdo :/
Some people are wise, Some are just other wise.
There's no law against sticking to your guns, but make sure you've loaded your brain before you start firing off your mouth.
If I ever lose a hand I'm definitely replacing it with a single nunchuck on a chain
I offend people in a nice way
I don't think I should be held responsible for the things I say to fill awkward silences.
Reports are in that Hugo Chjavez has died....hmmmmm ✔ Saddam Hussein ✔ Osama Bin Ladden ✔ Moammar Gadhafi ✔Kim Jong IL ❒Fidel Castro ✔Hugo Chavez - Not good timesr for my Fantasy Dictator League...
Dennis rodman is the Jane Fonda of this generation 