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Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it's my modesty that stands out. 
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn't Nintendo.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Reason why I check my voice mail... 5% Because I care about my missed calls, 95% to remove that annoying icon.
I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead.
Now that Bin Laden is dead, can I finally bring shampoo on a plane?
I hate it when someone I don't like says something funny.
Ladies: Please dress how you would like to be approached and talked to. Don't dress like a hoe and expect to be treated like a Queen.
If all men are the same, why do women take so long to choose one ?
Don't you just love it when someone owes you money and posts that they just bought some luxury item for themselves.
Nicki Minaj looks like an unlocked character that you get on the last level of Mortal Kombat.
Why do porn sites have a Google+ option? I don't want my friends knowing I use Google+
The left’s attempts to silence ideas they cannot, or will not debate, is a confession of intellectual bankruptcy.
thinks that if you post an album titled "WeDdInG PhoToS", you are probably too young to be married.
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Anyone who says laughter is the best medicine has never had morphine.
My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like.
If I had a kid at 16 I'd get my A$$ whooped, not a TV show.
FACT: The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first Hockey Helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
I hate it when I buy a hamster at the pet store, and it grows huge, becomes a rapper and steals my KIA... 