g0re Funny Status Messages

   The next time the hostess asks you "Would you like a table?", you should respond "No, not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."

   Whats the difference between you and a hippo? One is fat, lazy, ugly, disgusting, smelly, and weird .......then there's the hippo

   Some relationships in life are like fat people, they don't work out.

   Even though they so many people die because of alcohol, you never think about how many of them are born because of it.

   They call them "pizza rolls" because"pizza love handles" was too wordy.

   Well, obviously we have a Santa in the North Pole. He's climbin' down yo chimney, droppin' yo' presents off Bringin' cheer so ya'll need to hang the stockings, deck the halls, and leave some cookies cuz he's visiting errrybody out there.

   Can someone text me a in & out burger?

   There's always that one annoying kid that says "Present!" instead of"Here!"

   you know your hungry when your stomach sounds like chewbacca with a ballpoint pen up his a$$

   If two girls wear the same costume for Halloween, they are officially enemies for the day.

   If you suspect someone has the power to read minds, then just play Never Gonna Give You Up in your head so they will get Rick-Rolled trying to read your thoughts.

   When people say they "live their life" it usually just means "party hard." It doesn't mean "learn a lot about stuff that interests you", "volunteer to help people less fortunate than you", or "enjoy the benefits of a good night of sleep."

   It's frustrating when you know exactly what something means but not how to explain it

   HAVE YOU FOUND A REAL JOB YET?!!!!! no,i've been searching for a FAKE job that'll pay me FAKE money,to pay all my FAKE bills off,so when I retire,i can move to a FAKE retiree home in florida.

   Due to the retarded faces some girls like to make and the fact that it's become cool to be a jerk, nowadays, instead of duck, duck, goose, all you see in pictures is duck, duck, douche.

   If you are living your life without giving an "f", You are living a li[ ]e .

   It's kind of fun to hang out with a younger person who thinks you're a lot cooler than you actually are.

   Basketball players took the phrase"grow up" too literally.

   How to Lose Weight: Turn your head to the left, then to the right. Repeat when offered food.

   If Apple created the iHouse, it wouldn't have any Window.