doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   I can't believe we wasted star wars technology on tupac

   ok brain. You woke me up at 4:13am. Must be important. Whats that? You want me to think about the Tylenol scare of '82? Done!

   Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its a teabag

   Knows that some people are like slinkies, there not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

   Valentine Day weekend is over. I think Helen Keller plays the role of cupid in my love life.

   "I had one stuffy nostril and one runny nostril..." is how I'm starting tonights suicide note

   Fellas--you CAN be friends with women, but if she's got those eyes that awaken the beast within, then relax and go see a movie by yourself.

   It's cute how kids think band aids automatically take away all the pain and make everything better. That's alcohols job you little turds.

   Thank you Charlotte for bringing all the farm animals together by being the first ever Social Network "Web" Designer.

   it too late to say hakuna matata to that lion?

   I am the type of person who would find having super powers a real hassle

   The only time I get name-dropped is in games of "Would You Rather".

   Probably won't see War Horse. I'd definitely think about seeing a movie titled Skirmish Pony.

   "We found lunch in a homeless place" - Rihanna in a soup kitchen

   When a girl calls you by the wrong name, that's just spontaneous role-play, right?

   You wouldn't think I've ever had a stroke unless you saw me trying to get my wallet out my back pocket while driving.

   Every time I see the car commercial with the family singing Crazy Train, I wonder if Ozzy Osbourne thinks to himself, "Azsedgbhnmiolp!"

   ate broccoli twice yesterday and now his car smells like a mobile crematorium that only cooks buttholes.

   Ever since that tiger mauled Siegfried's boyfriend, I think the line has been blurred between a fruit and a vegetable. Just sayin'.

   saying "black and yellow black and yellow"... sounds like a R. Kelly home made video.