Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
wondering why people with bad breath are always wanting to tell me a secret. 
I don't hold grudges. I simply maintain them until you apologize or admit that you are wrong.
..hates getting junk mail on how to enlarge my penis,especially since i'm a girl. But I have,however, forwarded them to my boss. Maybe that will cure the little pr*ck.
Stupidity is not a crime, so you are free to go.
Today is one of those days where I wish I could restore myself to the factory settings.
Lady in the commercial for the life alert necklace said she fell. Laid there for 8 hours til her friend came. MY question, why didn't the cameraman help her up?
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Happy Mothers Day to all the stay at home dads
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There should be a 5 second rule when girls start to cry where you can take what you just said back.
wondering how long it took the first humans to realize the first person to die was dead? " Hey man wake up already you are starting to smell."
CNN Breaking news: Due to Government Shutdown, all the aliens in Area 51 have been released......
Now, show me on the doll where the Government touched you...
Just finished charging my iPhone. Lets see how long the battery la
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea's TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
I'm old enough to remember when a selfie was some lotion and a box of Kleenex.
Go home North Korea, you're drunk!
I don't regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren't on those bridges when I burned them.
I've spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
Going to a concert tonight. Doors open at 7pm, according to the ticket. That's a pretty impressive opening act. 