g0re Funny Status Messages

   They should make haunted houses with genuine fears. For example: Eviction notices at every corner, very important final exams that you didn't study for, pictures of your parents naked, etc.

   If a zombie apocalypse ever happens, we all better hope people who can do parkour don't get infected.

   I am not really scared that the world will end on 12/21/2012...I"m just scared of what crazy things people will do on that day.

   One hour long text conversation = 5 minute face to face conversation.

   The guy who stands in the entrance of Walmart and says "Welcome to Walmart" must say it so many times, he probably wakes up at night yelling it.

   Friend 1: Guys my wife wants to have 3 kids cuz of the 3 musketeers. Friend 2: Well my wife wants to have 7 because of the 7 dwarfs. Me: Guys I gotta go... my wife was watching 101 dalmations..

   It's hard to understand why eating a banana would be considered even remotely sexual. Sure, it can represent a phallic object, but if a girl devouring your pen!s turns you on then you have some serious problems.

   It makes you worried for the future when you see all the insecure girls on Facebook posting their pictures as their statu$ and begging for likes.

   I think we need to be more concerned about dinosaur ghosts.

   If an old man stuffs you in a bag don't worry, I asked for you for Christmas. Oh he threw you in a van, not a sleigh? Yeah, you're screwed.

   TEACHER: what is the opposite of laughing? STUDENT: fu*king... TEACHER: why is that? STUDENT: well laughing is Ha Ha Ha and fu*king is Ah Ah Ah ....

   Alot of commercials nowadays are just knock offs of the Oldspice commercials with a very dramatic main character and a suprising plot twist at the end.

   In elementary, there always seemed to be that one kid who had to deepthroat the water fountain when getting a drink.

   Female gamers need to get off their high horse. There are a million girls who like gaming, and it doesn't make them "special" or "cool". It just makes them a girl who happens to like video games.

   Checking In' on Facebook Places is really just another way of people showing other people how much better their day is/was than yours.

   There's always a little truth behind every 'jk,' a little knowledge behind every 'idk,' a little emotion behind every 'idc,' and a little pain behind every 'it's OK.

   There were 2 cows in a field. One cow says ''Moo." The other cow replies,'Shut the f*ck up you uneducated twat'',

   When girls impersonate guys, they make their voice deeper and add a "stupid" tone to it. When guys impersonate girls, we make our voice go an octave higher and add an attitude.

   When someone asks me what superpower I would have if I were a superhero, I tell them I already have one. I say I possess the preternatural ability to anticipate and avoid horrifically boring conversations. Then I walk away.

   What do Amish people and homeless people have in common? They can't read this.