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When someone asks you to guess their age it's best to go low. That's why I always say 3, just in case. 
Everybody at this sports bar looks like a deleted selfie.
Apparently something has seriously gone wrong with my financial goals ... Evidently I am now on some kind of get rich slow scheme.
Hipster haunted house but it's just a Trader Joe's filled with Walmart brand products.
No thanks, sweatshirts without hoods. I have enough problems already.
93% of the internet is people noticing things in the background of photos.
Wife: Can you pick up milk?... Me: [lifts gallon] Yea sure, it's easy... Wife: I mean from the store.... Me: Umm ok, but I would imagine it weighs the same there too
Just met a kid named Denim today so yes, I would definitely like another drink.
The last thing someone who can't decide what to make for dinner needs is 101 different crock pot choices.
How come documentary makers can find drug makers and hitmen to interview but the police can’t find them?
I wish I could unlearn English for one day so I could hear how it sounds without meaning.
Steps to survive on a dessert island: 1. check spelling 2. if correct, enjoy
Yes ... I suppose I am one of the few people that actually love Fruit Cakes!!! ....Heck .... I only need a few more ..... this year I hope to get enough to complete building my Brick wall!!
Decided to put up a Christmas tree this year....wrestled with it a bit..finally got in in place... it smells like Christmas now.. and it looks real cool, hanging from my car's rear view mirror.
What do I like most about people? Their dogs....
Subpoena...Such a silly word. Sounds like a term used to describe a man who is below average downstairs.
One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.
Divorce: A legal document for married people to hate each other.
I just want to suffocate, sorry I mean love you.
If you don't like my Facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends' pages where the biggest news of the day on his/her page is what she had for lunch 