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Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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I'm selling baby shirts that says "Not everything stays in Vegas."
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06-21-2011 15:53 by
Marshall the Great
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I left a note on my neighbors car asking him to stop parking in front of my house. I couldn't find any paper, so I used my car key instead.
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02-02-2012 17:40 by
Marshall the Great
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If you're not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever.
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03-26-2013 23:14 by
Marshall the Great
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If I ever get summoned for jury duty, I plan on appearing in the courtroom in a puff of smoke and yelling, "WHO SUMMONED ME?"
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11-03-2010 23:49 by
Marshall the Great
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Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That's why most of the women put on make up and most of the men lie.
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12-29-2010 15:25 by
Marshall the Great
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While I may not always return the affection of those who like me, I always admire their good judgment
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11-19-2010 15:56 by
Marshall the Great
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The way I feel when a waiter finally brings my food is probably similar to the excitement of a dude on Maury who just got told he's not the father.
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09-28-2011 15:54 by
Marshall the Great
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I bet you $567.89 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.
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10-05-2011 18:44 by
Marshall the Great
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I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
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09-07-2011 15:30 by
Marshall the Great
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I was just sexually harassed. Screw a lawsuit. I haven't been this flattered in a while..
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06-17-2011 10:44 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm glad I don't have to hunt for my food... I dont even know where sandwiches live!
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11-14-2012 21:03 by
Marshall the Great
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To DO: ☑ Get groceries, ☑ Lay around, ☑ Eat stuff, ☑ Be Awesome.
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06-05-2010 20:10 by
Marshall the Great
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Everyone talks about finding the one that makes their heart skip a beat. Personally, I'm not looking to develop a heart problem.
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06-25-2011 11:21 by
Marshall the Great
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My daily FB goals - 1) Make someone laugh 2) Make someone smile 3) Make someone shake their head 4) Make someone disgusted 5) P!ss someone off. Not exactly in that order.
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10-06-2011 10:21 by
Marshall the Great
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I just changed my voicemail greeting: Please hang up and text me.
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09-06-2011 14:54 by
Marshall the Great
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A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early today and get hammered.
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03-27-2012 14:14 by
Marshall the Great
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I got fired from my job as a bingo caller... apparently "A meal for two with a terrible view" was a pathetic way to announce the number 69.
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03-27-2012 14:20 by
Marshall the Great
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My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn't illegal to talk in the car while I'm driving.
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05-09-2011 12:41 by
Marshall the Great
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It's a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
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03-29-2011 19:45 by
Marshall the Great
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My car heater has two settings: face melting and off.
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12-09-2010 16:38 by
Marshall the Great
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