Reznor Funny Status Messages

   Well I failed my drivers test today. The instructor asked me what I do at Redlights, and I said, "Text and Facebook"

   My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together. I sh!t you knot.

   My wife got naked and asked me to "show her a good time" so I showed her photos of me and my friends before we got married.

   I just read that having sex burns just as much calories as running 4 miles. Who the f@&k runs 4 miles in 30 seconds?

   If being sarcastic burned calories, Id look like half of an Olsen Twin.

   When I meet people, I choose whether I like them solely based on if I think they would be fun to get drunk with.....

   its no longer the little birdy that told you something. now days its "i seen it on facebook."

   Thumbs up if you still kicking it old skool without the timeline........

   When I was a kid, I remember trying to stay up all night until the sun came up was such a challenge and so cool. Now its almost a ritual and dreaded.

   I am in the process of writing a new country song for someone special....... Its called "If I woulda shot you sooner, Id be outta prison by now."

   I wasnt planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!

   If I let you control the music in my car, it means I would probably take a bullet for you.

   I always wonder what the weather men in Arizona do with their time slot. "Well people all week, hot and no rain!" Back to you Jim.

   This drug sniffing dog was a great investment! He already found 2 bags of weed I thought I had lost!

   it poontang or punetang? Need to know fast, I'm writing a sympathy card.

   Since I cant afford the gas to go on vacation anytime soon, I'm gonna drink until I dont know where I am!

   I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!

   So I told my wife I wanted to try anal sex. She told me she had been having sex with an A-Hole for years.

   quit criticizing the girls that take slutty pics and put them on Facebook! I like looking at them you homo!

   Drinks: $80. Dinner: $75. The room: $250. The look on his face when she says "I'm on my period": Priceless.