Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

   Nobody cleans a house faster than a guy expecting sex.

   I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn't dilute in the shower.

   You know you're getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.

   A walk of shame is always sad. Don't make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.

   Don't worry; it's only kinky the first time.

   Someone called me selfish and then paused as if they expected me to argue.

   Lol @ the dude buying condoms and getting his card declined. He just got c**k blocked by Visa.

   It's so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.

   Dear London Rioters: There is a big damn difference between, rioting for Freedom, and rioting for Free Stuff.

   Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with Facebook.

   How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?

   I would walk over Legos for you.

   I'm on a quest around the world to find Bigfoot. I'd originally set out to find cheap gas, but I decided to keep my goals realistic

   Love is.......having sex with someone when you're sober.

   Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.

   Aside from being hit and struck by a Smooth Criminal, how are you emotionally, Annie?

   I felt special… until I saw you talk to every other guy like that.

   People would never be late if the Mario "running out of time" music started playing a few minutes before.

   Women complain about men using them only for sex as if sex is a bad thing. Sex is awesome. Start complaining when he starts using you for cooking, laundry and baby sitting while he is out having fun.

   To people who say love is more important than money, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?