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2011: You mad bro? 1800: Art thou angered brethren? 
M̸o̸n̸, T̸u̸e̸s̸, W̸e̸d̸, T̸h̸u̸r̸s̸, Friday !!!!
asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
I keep playing my Highway to Hell cd over and over. I think I have OCDC.
My friends vasectomy did not keep his wife from getting pregnant apparently it just changed the color of the baby...
Here's an idea for Christmas; Give children batteries with a note saying toys not included!!! lol
They should give the girls who don't get a rose on The Bachelor a cat.
Eating generic fruit loops is like going down on your cousin. It tastes the same, but you know its wrong....
what's the difference between hungry and horny??....where you put the cucumber..;-)
At a Hotal a Man accidentally bumps into a Woman beside him and as he does his elbow touches her Brea$t. The man says ''Ma'am if your heart is as soft as your brea$t I know you'll forgive me!'' Her ''If your Pen!$ is as hard as your elbow I'm in room 436
Shout out to all the people in church today, who didn't speak to anyone, cause their breath still smelled like Jack Daniels.
Be positive. Every morning look yourself in the mirror and say: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people want to f*ck me.
The inventor of the Hokey Pokey died today. Trying to get him in the coffin was a nightmare... They put the left leg in....................
hey single moms go have your own day someplace else, this is our day so make me a sammich with BACON and stfu
I'm not proud of this, but I haven't showered since last year...
Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.
My wife isn't speaking to me. All because I didn't open the car door for her. I guess I just panicked and swam to the surface.
read that Macho Man Randy Savage's funeral arrangements will be handled by The Undertaker.
Sometimes I regret bringing sexy back.
Games will be played, lies will be told, hearts and promises will be broken, feelings will be hurt, tears will fall, people will change, trust will be betrayed, and rumors will spread. But through it all, life will always go on. 