You know that song by Bruno Mars called "Just the Way You Are"? Did you know if you changed that lyric to "Just Get In My Car" it changes from a love song to a really scary stalker song??
I don't mind that my wife yells at me sometimes and tells me "You need to stop joking around so much and be more serious", I just wish she wouldn't do it when I am naked.
Just found out that Oprah is leaving her show after 25 years. I didn't know that! How in the world could I have missed that? Oh ya, I don't give a crap...
I saw a sign on the lawn in front of a 7-11 the other day, It read "Stay off the grass". I thought it was a weird place for a "Say no to drugs" message.
I told my wife the best way to get motivated to lose weight is to try on the bikini she wants to wear this summer....She told me to shut up and take it off.
I was sitting in the store parking lot and noticed one of those "Smart Cars". I was at first thinking it was pretty cool until I saw the owner tying his Papa Murphy's pizzas to the roof.