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Did you know my people invented the Toothbrush?
If it was invented by anyone else, they would have called it a teethbrush. 
Your Nano died? No biggie, just recharge it. Oh. You said "Nana", didn't you? Damn.
My wife used to be a size eight. Now she's a figure 8.
9/13 Happy birthday Milton Hershey, thank you for the Hershey bar. Also is Scooby Doo day.
Time heals all wounds, so if your uninsured, get a watch!
Come on people, does your vote really count? Or is it just a big con?
with or without you, I'm still going...
says all people have the right to stupidity but far far too many people abuse that privilege! o_o
Don't try to outweird me--I get stranger things then you free with my breakfast cereal.
What will happen during the LOST series finale? My guess is that Matthew Fox wakes up back in Chicago next to Suzanne Pleshette.
did you know that Women in New York may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.
if brain cells were made from dynamite, you wouldnt have enough to blow your nose!
there a cure for being sick & tired of being sick & tired???
going downhill from now on! HEY. that's the way I roll....
anyone else noticed that the orbits girl in the commercial is different now? What happened to the original orbits girl?
...Brad Pitt may favor death penalty after BP oil spill. Says execs should hafta watch “Meet Joe Black” over & over til they kill themselves!
taking shots of NyQuil and RedBull...
under your bed
went to pick you a flower but it was a venus fly trap and it bit his/her head so he/she got you a blade of grass instead
looking down his pants wondering when the itching will stop. 