Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm not an alcoholic! I just walk around with a mouthful of whiskey, so if someone says something stupid I can spit and light their face on fire.

   I hear drinking wet cement can get you really stoned!!

   I made a playlist for when I go hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it Trail Mix.

   these statues suck.how about some jokes guys

   Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X, she's not coming back.

   I have lived through death of Michael Jackson, first black president, Royal Wedding and Osama's death. My life's a fuc?ing history book.

   The hardcore way to eat ramen: 1) Boil water 2) Eat block of ramen 3) Drink boiled water 4) Snort flavored powder 5) Fu*k B!tches.

   I never banng a blakc chikk, not 'cause I'm rasis it's just that I'm more of a "run my fingers through her hair" kinda guy.

   Like if you think unemployed poor people are mean, unlike if you think affluent people are vicious.

   How come only women get Fibromyalgia? Is it a make believe condition like PMS??

   The U.S. always has an agenda when they enter a country. For example, oil in Iraq. I think the agenda in Syria is to ensure Israel's safety.

   We need to build some hydroelectric dams and harness all these tears from Republicans. Every crisis solved.

   The way Fox news channel distorts the news they should change their name to FAUX NEWS :)

   My 2 lesbian neighbour got me a watch for my birthday :/ I think they misunderstood me when they asked to me what do you want for birthday and I said: I WANNA WATCH!!

   like a lawyer with the way he is always trying to get you off

   We change, and love changes and best friends become strangers

   Twitter is a cold and lonely place, I am going back to Facebook.

   Some people run marathons, I watch them on my couch. Indiana Jones on Syfy!!!

   Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, a vibrator, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.

   Happy International Women's Day, the world doesn't turn without us!!