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I just read that 44% of high school and college students won't be able to find a summer job due to the economy! Add in the military coming home looking for jobs,and I have no idea what Obama is thinking! 
When ever I see a guy type a "<3" I automatically think theyre gay...
I hope you have pet insurance because I'm about to destroy your p*ssy.
Your friendship means so much to me that... When you cry...I cry. When you laugh... I laugh. When you jump out a window... I laugh some more.
All the stupid Tebow trolls can GFY... Brady is gods chosen son sorry Bronco fans...
A new study found that about one percent of the U.S. population is allergic to gluten, while the other 99 percent are sick of having to hear about it.
Breast-feeding Mom....Y you No wink back???
I'm not a professional pilot, but I can wear a pair of aviator glasses and helicopter my wiener in the front yard for like 3 hours straight.
Congress is now drafting new legislation that would make it mandatory for anyone purchasing this appliance to be entered into a national pressure cooker database. Details at 11
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy's using his computer to access an alien spaceship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe Flash Player.
they say dogs and owners look alike.. is that why Obamas dog is sportin a fro and is black an white?
The J€ws only use the Old Testament, because its too expensive to upgrade.
So another shooting occurs in another College..... I dont know why we not making the bullets more expensive than college by now
Waiting for some indian dude to come out with a song called Ghandi style
Lil Wayne Engaged, Wiz Khalifa Engaged, Snooki Pregnant & Engaged.... Everybody got a ring but Lebron.
Jingle bells, my foot smells, I pulled it from your ass. Get a beer and bring it here then pour it in a glass. - My Christmas song.
*Spoiler Alert* Batman dies of throat cancer on The Dark Knight Rises .
Who said, " nothing is impossible!" try nailing jello to a tree.
I walk light so I don't piss the ground off..
Do you work for subway? Cause you just gave me a foot long. 