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planning on stuffing my turkey with Froot Loops - I find it is colorfully festive and fun for the kids! 
Cranberry sauce is seriously misnamed. Sauce doesn't retain the shape of the can it comes in. Let's call it what it is. That stuffs cranberry jello.
Sometimes when I'm bored I take red and blue M&Ms and walk up to random people...And try too convince them that one of them will get'em out the Matrix.....
My wife is so fat she speaks in surround sound!!
snowed inn with his family a loaf of bread and 3 fish...uh what was that recipe again Jesus?
BREAKING NEWS: Miami Heat joins LeBron James.
hates it when old relatives come up to you at weddings and say, "You'll be next, dear". I'm sure they wouldn't be too impressed if I started saying that to them at funerals.
I wish my grass was EMO so it would cut itself
It's funny how when funky smellin powder is sent thru the mail anonomously Homeland Security is all over that sh*t. But when the same kind of funky smellin powder fills the air everytime Hef takes off his daiper at the Playboy Mansion no one gives a sh*t.
"Everybody loves metal music, or if they don't, they should, or will eventually." - Metal Musicians
If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.
FML! Met this hot guy at a bar last night.... All I can say is they weren't magically delicious.
Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in company fridge. Today I had a prawn sandwich named Kevin.
Hey people going to church, the gym or eating plants; Please keep it to yourself and stop telling us about it all the time.
well done liverpool fc for knocking manchester united out the FA CUP
what do gay horses eat?.................HaaaaAAAAAaaayyyyyy
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Halloween: The one day of the year where paedophiles get home delivery.
Facebook is dumb They have the Poke thing wrong. Guys should have the Poke button, and girls should have a Spread button.
If you want to get into a race debate, OK, I'll start one.... Why is Tony Stewart allowed back in NASCAR?
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