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wondering why, if midnight snacks are banned, why is there a light in the fridge? 
I'm a mess. Not in the "beautiful mess" way. In the "you dropped an omelette all over the floor then stepped in it" way.
taking a dump over the railing of an overpass and making bird noises
There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't
loves the smell of burning rubber, but I really should of told her the condom split
Doesn't understand why the Mr. Softee guy didn't laugh when I suggested he try Viagra
about go over to my grandmas house at 3 A.M in the morning so I can wake her up and get on her nerves!
old gregg mother lickers
He just wants 2 kids but never NO WIFES!!!!
walking like an egyptian
if I could rearrange alphabet, I would put 'U" and "I" together
considering a career at Hogwarts
Naturally the world doesn't revolve around me, I MAKE it revolve around me!
wonder what the Elves think of Rudolph after listening to "Roxanne" by The Police?
Next stop... THANKSGIVING! Stand clear of the food and cold please!
When can we expect Randy Moss to ask Randy Moss how Randy Moss feels about being waived?....
And ps... you should'nt sing a song with an "s" in the title if you have a lithp!
Been thinking of things I could do today, leaning towards going to Victoria's Secret and looking around.
having a hard time deciding between a Boston Pancake or a German Knuckle Sandwich!
Wish in one hand & crap in the other... See which gets filled first. 