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Just woke up from a nap with the WORST taste in my mouth 
I sometimes like to call the Suicide Hotline before having a wank Nothing makes me hornier than a woman begging me not to do it.
If you want to Learn How to Save & Budget Your Money Ask A Republican Or A Drug Dealer!!!
ahh yes the 7-11 Big Gulp. How much soda can one person drink???? If I ever get one again I will make sure the bed of my truck is cleaned out and I have a hand dolly to wheel it out of the store..............
I'd tell you a joke about my p*ssy...but you'd never get it!!!!!!!
On a ship, Captain Blackmails a girl, “If you dont sleep with me I'll sink the ship” Later, she text her husband, “You must be proud of me, I saved 600 passangers 9 times in 2 days.
Remember when you were young and you liked to blow bubbles? Well, hes back in town and wants you to give him a call...
Marriage is like a permanent tattoo, looks awesome on others, you want it too, you feel nervous at first, you get it done and then you are stuck with it.. :P
:Apparently all the women that can deep throat are sitting in their rooms sexting all day.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I dont give a shit about seeing snow white and the huntsmen at all.
Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green....
Tattoos are not trashy, the people who wear them can be though...
Please be alert and help if you can! Every year many children leave their homes going to Mime School and are never heard from again! Please speak up for these silent victims!
Has anyone seen my invisible pants?
"Dude she just called you DEAF! " "What? " " She called you deaf !! " " Oh hell no, my name is NOT BETH "
And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year
the words "epic" and "swag" must be abolished at some point. But then again Snoop Dogg has epic swag.
You know it's cold outside when you see chickens going to KFC to use the deep fryer as a hot-tub...
Libertarians keep Republicans out of your bedroom and Democrats out of your wallet.
France shouldchange the color of it's flag to match it's football/soccer team.....all-white 