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I remember the day like it was yesterday when I realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights 
Should I say Thank You when someone tell me *You look good TODAY!!!*?
I was carring my baby cousin and a dragon fly lands on my shoulder in the parking lot. The shoulder that is also the start button for me to go into scream, panic, and drop everything mode
Thinks Spiders are incredible. Us humans think we are so smart...Lets try shooting silk outta our butts and see what we could make!
Do you think P.Diddy ever wakes up feeling like kesha ?
all these pokes I'm getting am I supposed to sound like the pillsbury doughboy
Facebook your always asking whats on my mind...But what I really want to know is whats on your mind?
Anybody else have a turkey hangover?
homework ; do me now! facebook ; don't listen to that slut.
I'm not superstitious. Stitious, yes, but not in a heightened sense. I am, however, super lazy sometimes.
If you see any grown man with beads at the end of his braids, please knock his azz TF out
Parents: You can help fight childhood obesity by stop feeding your child, fatty foods!!
They say heavy Cell phone use causes brain cancer. Fellas this is a great excuse when she ask why you ain't pick up
“I changed. People change.” - Michael Jackson
I tried it & it worked! It gived me your mothers address
When you stop looking thru the distorted mirror held up for you in this world- it provides a measure of clarity which is refreshing! But the downside is you actually see how; distasteful, counterfeit, society is currently... objectively determined values
Vacations are a great way to spend thousands of dollars to stare at your phone in exotic locations.
Sex bruises are good bruises!
Here's my cup of care \_/ Oh look. It's empty.
A cop pulled me over and said "I need your license, I need your insurance and I need your registration!" I said "What about ME & my NEEDS!?" 