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I plan to only eat aberdeen angus beef for every meal in January. aberdeen angus beef that has been slain by my hands. my BARE hands! 
An ideal mind is a devil's workshop...mine is a warehouse!
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
Dont sh!t where you eat...A friendly reminder brought to you by The Stop Being A Dumb@ss Association.
going for Gold in the Men's Uphill Giant Slalom....Gravity is a B*tch!
as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room ful of rocking chairs.
if you're gonna be a smart ass, atleast try not to look dumb.
I'm fed up with my brain remembering crap I'd like to forget and forgetting crap I'd like to remember!
To err is divine. To blame it on someone else shows presidential potential.
Where the heck is that "Polka" button Facebook that everyone keeps talking about?! I have my accordian and am ready to boogie.
Value has a value ONLY if its value is valued . . .
If you cant beat them, put a few drops of Visine in their coffee.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
Almost casted for "The Biggest Loser", when I found out it wasn't the lose weight show, totally got pissed..
Mmmm, plumpkins..
Be yourself beautiful, and you will find the world full of beauty
I'm sorry Baby, that's gravity. I can't help it that I'm physically attracted to you
˙sıɥʇ op pןnoɔ noʎ ɥsıʍ noʎ ʍouʞ noʎ
alright...who's been spraying the arsehole aerosol in the air again!?
Mary Poppins did a great job getting kids to take there meds...Cause a spoon full of sugar really does help the medicine go down... Its just too bad all the kids she watched got Type 2 diabetes now... 