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And on the final day God said ..." Let there be football!" 
..wonders what the best thing was BEFORE slice bread came along.
thanks for being a sperm donor, deadbeat!
wondering why the head keeps falling off his John the Baptist bobble head?
When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment when a women talks dirty 2 a man, its $3.95 a minute!
^v--^v--^v----------------^v--^v woah for a second there I was bored to death
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.
has a friend that was recently diagnosed with multiple personalities... yesterday he called me... my caller I.D. exploded.
drank some Chinese beer, ...now the room smells like fireworks.
thinks facebook should let you know when someone unfriends you so you can send them evil thoughts. their way.
has performed extensive experiments in the shed and can scientifically conclude that a cat has only one life.
Canceled my trip to Arizona because my dog doesn't have papers...
Steven Tyler has the face only a mother could love.
tis the season to be horny
Some president once said "It's the economy stupid"...But I say "It's the government Dumb@$$"
Some president once said "It's the economy stupid"...But I say "It's the government Dumb@$$"
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope
It is amazing how much effort I put into my laziness.
My doctor (me) just decided to up my dosage (smoke more weed)
My father dies from ALS, get off the subject and start writing funny stuff... 