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An Itailan officer doing a u-turn and running !!!......who would have thought ?!!! 
Captain Crunch of the Italian cruise liner just invited Billy Cundiff to his Super Bowl party!
Only people in long distance or stalking relationships should be allowed to use the "IT'S COMPLICATED" option on their relationship status.
"I clearly remember the first time I met Dhritarashtra. It was a blind date. - Gandhari.
My friend invited me over to play COD and now I'm dressed up in a fish costume. This is not what I was expecting.
It's Siri's time off the month again....she's acting mad and wont answer anything
I told my friend I think she needs a new doctor...I don't believe the technical term for a breast infection is a cheese nip
I just saw a beautiful girl in a bikini eating fruit. What a pear!!
It's kind of fun to hang out with a younger person who thinks you're a lot cooler than you actually are.
Treat me right or someone else will.
What was longer.... Kim Kardashian's marriage or theTrick-or-Treat line outside of Casey Anthony's house?
had it up to here!! (raises hand above head)
Basketball players took the phrase"grow up" too literally.
How long until Justin Bieber releases a cover of Billie Jean? "♫ She's just a girl who says that I am the one... But the kid is not my son! ♫"
Oh it's on like a pops rocks blow job!!
Good girls get presents, Naughty girls get money. - by Order of SANTA CLAUS.
Turns out that button in the elevator with the fireman's hat on it... is not the button you push if you want a fireman's hat.
Just saw one my friends post a status saying "if you ♥ your FACEBOOK ;) #Likke".....Truth is no one really likes FB its just an addiction.
Winners never quit! Quitters never win! But those that never win and never quit are idiots!
Today in Germany millions of turkeys are giving thanks for being German turkeys 