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So damn bored and sleepy at work. Sunday should be national holiday for everyone period. The only places needs to stay open should be Walmart and the clubs. 
The fact that women should be equal to men, doesn't mean that they have to make the same mistakes.
trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
Want to finish that game of Monopoly we started 10 years ago???
When people say they have a bad headache, that implies they have had good headaches. In that case, its not an ache at all is it?
Women cant hear what Men don't say
not to self: dont respond "Im snipt" when she asks if you have a condom
Just saw a kid in wal-mart pick up a Justin Beiber CD and pummel it into the floor screaming like a wild man... My faith in our nations youth has been restored.
Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Yes, it's true! I am the absolute kingpin of the jelly doughnut cartel.
Seems like life had more meaning back when pluto was still a planet. Now I don't really know what to live for anymore...Live for that next beer, perhaps?
I would love to one day use the term "blood, sweat and tears" and have more than just the "tears" part be true.
in case the WORLD ENDING doesnt happen on Saturday, Fox News had a report that we maybe over run by Zombies, but they did give a 'guide' as to what to do. Thanks Fox News....now I know what to do when the undead attempt to eat my brain.....
The police are looking for someone sexy, funny, and great in bed. Now your ugly a** is safe but do you have anywhere I can hide?
Take the chance, live out your dreams, make life better than it seems.
My belt is too tight on the last notch but to loose on the next one..FML
If you are living your life without giving an "f", You are living a li[ ]e .
When somebody says you've changed, it's only because you stopped living your life their way.
when you get gifts, people say "its the thought that counts"...my cousin got me deodorant...does she think I smell bad?
Happy New Ears! Your old ears were fine, but congrats on your new ones! 