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Scenario: The armed police officer following Casey Anthony out of jail with a AR15, " fake tripping and firing 10 rounds in her back" PRICELESS!!! 
c'mon people, gays have a right to be as unhappy as the rest of us... incidentally NYs divorce rate is about to go up...
"The Lord moves in mysterious ways" said Peter while Jesus did the moonwalk.
The only time you will see Ameriscans bow heads....is when the CANADIAN national anthem is playing!
Bike Week...or as it's also known: White Trash On Wheels Week
Daenerys Targaryen is such an overrated character "ohh look at me I have dragons" you know who else had a Dragon Rubeus Hagrid.
people confuse bad luck and bad decisions way too often
if a man says to a woman,"Girl, you better go in the kitchen and bring me a sandwich," Do you know what a good comeback for that ladies? You better "comeback" with a God damn sandwich.
Too embarrassed to buy “skinny jeans”? Simply buy normal jeans and put on a sheetload of weight.
I'm sorry I karate chopped your grandma...but her stroke face was all like, "Come at me, bro".
Creationism vs. Darwinism: I love science, yet until they can settle the age old question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"....I'm siding with Creationism.
Fox news lied to me. Gay marriage is legal and I haven't married my cousin or my pet.
Difference between a cult and a religion: In a cult the guy at the top knows it's a scam; in a religion that guy's dead.
I wish the first rule of Christianity was exactly the same as the first rule of Fight Club.
the money you could be saving from Geico
in your refrigerator.
Be nice to your parents, because your dad could have shot you into a tissue or your mum could have swallowed you.
I try not to curse, but when God D@mn slips out, I always get, "Don't use God's name in vain". I always respond, "I never said his NAME...God is simply a title, like Dr or Mr". Do you even know his name? Bible Thumpers...
Why is President Obama out of the country and on vacation when this Charlie Sheen thing is still playing out?
I advise you not to mess with me.. I know karate, kung fu, taekwondo, judo, jujitsu, and 47 other dangerous words. 