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I'm happier than a retard in a bubble wrap factory ... 
"I'm gonna name a beer called responsibly, so the other companies advertise for me ... "Drink Responsibly"
stop the bus let my friend jack off...
thinks the GOP's new nickname, the party of "No" is perfect....they have no ideas, no brains, no balls, no candidates worth a damn', and no history of success.
depressed because you walked in the room. Where's my happy pills
s house is on fire (mood:calm)
what she said
Mindy Mccready committed suicide, your move Justin Beiber!
During sex, I'll bite, scratch, swear and pull hair but it only seems to encourage uncle Brian.
Do you like dragons? Because I'll be dragon my balls across your face.
writing a Christmas list: Shamwow, Snuggie, Flowbee and... a Chia Pet
I wonder if Asians throw rice at a Chinese wedding?
Women are amazing--they get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.
In a Relationship w/ Friday. "I'm really happy to see you again, you know how much I love you and miss you. Although we only see each other once a week, you never fail to make me happy. What I really like the most about you is that UNLIKE GIRLS, you don't
a suicide bomber instructor. Suicide bomber training: Now watch carefully, because I'm only going to show you this once.
Not even FEMA could help the saints
My ex left me for some balding, over-weight, less intelligent, less attractive, less financial secure person.
why did the chicken cross the road? "to get to your house"..knock knock..who is there? "the chicken"
Joined a gym today it had one machine that did everything: twix, mars and snickers, milk way, Doritos.
I ate a fish burger at Sea World and it suddenly dawned on me that I could be eating a slow learner 