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Q: How was David Copperfield born? A: He escaped from a condom! 
Beauty is in the Eye Of The Beer Holder.
Now I know exactly why Australians have their own version of " Australian rules football" !!!
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? Dam!
chugging NyQuil until sugar plums really are dancing in my head..
Just came back from hell I was stuck in the red twisty tube at chuck e cheese....being poked at and laughed at by brats!
my shadow jus stopped followin me on twitter...he'll be bak, bright days are ahead
My favorite character on Spongebob Squarepants in the guys that yells "MY LEG!"
Both Political parties are debating the fault line responsible for today's quake: Democrats says its the Bush's Faultline and the Republicans say its the Obama's Faultline
sorry that he cheated on his wife, hopes you believe in him again, and wishes these bruises from the 9-iron up his a$$ would heal already!
You can't spell "culture" without "cult".
What's the diference between a woman and a battery? A battery has a positive side.
would rather check her facebook than face her check book
Men like hot showers. Women like scalding hot showers that cause any man in the shower with them to act like a wussy b*tch about it.
I throw my Skittles in the air sometimes sayin aaayooo, taste the rainbow!!!
attempting to cook a blackbean & chicken rice dish but can't see with all the thick black smoke and as for these bloody alarms ringing in my ears, saying that it must smell good, 8 men have just piled out of a red truck are trying to break down my door
facebook should have a "like" button and a "like omg" for blondes
's son has been looking for his Nintendo DS for the last month.Last night we found it in the bushes in front of the house.Kids: you can't live with 'em, you can't beat them over the head with their neglected portable gaming systems to teach them a lesson.
Theres 2 types of people in this world.. People who have been bitten by the Easter Bunny and people who haven't..
New TSA slogan: "It's not a grope....It's a freedom pat" 