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Stop with the Chik Fil A jokes... that joke is as stale as your mothers breast milk 
When my mom texts me, I respond, "Can't talk now, I'm driving I'll call you when I ge" then ignore all texts and calls for 4 hours./.Hi-larious
Dear Maroon 5: You can borrow my phone as long as you promise never to sing again.
Dating a single mother: It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.
If it tastes like chicken, keep on licking. If it tastes like trout, get the hell out.
I love my wife so much that I use c ondom with other girls.
"Would You Like a Table?” … “No not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please.”...."
The irony is overwhelming. The "LOCK HER UP" guy is getting his ass locked up. Hahaha!
Every 7 seconds a fat girl confuses post-it notes for Kraft singles.
surprised that Kate and William didn't go with my suggested royal baby name of Princess Consuela Bananahammock!
Church = Free Wine
she was my cream, and I was her coffee - And when you poured us together, it was something.....
loves it when you call me big pappa.
Only one long utter but I love getting milked
Hopes that the Gay community is enjoying all the free media attention...with the flooding in Manitoba I haven't heard the word "Dykes" used so much since last years Gay Pride week .
Taylor Swift must be the first person to have something given back to her after a black man stole it
If you don't have an iphone, well, you don't have an iphone! Oh yeah? And if you don't have a Droid X, well, you don't have flash player and adobe! Now, How do you like them apples?!?!
I swear these automatic toilets are about as premature as a teenage boy, one little move and they are done.
what did 50 cent say to his Grandma who was sewing a Sweater ?? Gee-You-Knit !!!!
Dreams of moving to India or Pakistan.....and becoming a Taxi driver 