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If Obama gave out government grants for sukin dik guess what scientists would be doing...... 
"Did you just eat my donut?" me: Yes, but there's blame on both sides.
Nothing confuses me more than vegan mascara. Who is eating mascara?
Walk of shame Except it’s me leaving the work bathroom just as the cleaners show up
I'm busier than a cucumber in a woman's prison!
Lifes tough, Wear a helment.
goin to say on judgement day....he made me do it!!!!
supporting Tiger Wood's habits by buying the last of his discontinued Gatorade.
going to go save the world.........its the only place with chocolate
evaluating your profile to maximize chances of a long term friendship
i walked in to my local hardware store after work a member of staff asked if I wanted decking, I quickly got the first punch in before he had chance
If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
revenge is a dish best served with fava beans and chianti
had a handle on life, but it fell off with the wheel
yesterday I said I was gonna FML...i did....but I forgot protection...now i'm screwed
thinking that anyone who has sex with a justin bieber CD playing in the room is CLEARLY underage and should STOP!
I have Bieber Fever. I listened to a song by Justin Bieber and now have a 103 degree temperature, I'm throwing up, and have a huge headache.
born to party forced to study
I remember the good old days when Nigerians were just scamming people on the internet...
Seems the Meadowlands couldn't handle all the Cowboy's touchdown. The stadium had no choice but to short circuit and shut down due to the confusion. For 12 minutes fans were able to experience a real Cowboys game...a complete blackout. 