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Call Kenny Loggins because we are in the Danger Zone!!! 
Ladies; Don't build walls around your heart... men will pee on them.
I've got 99 problems, which really bothers me since I've also got OCD and I prefer even numbers.
What do you mean I've had enough to drink?!! Hold my beer while I fight this lamppost.
dont be mean to haters. their just doing there job..
I may have opened the door, but you entered of your own free will.
Just owning the Washington Redskins was his first stupid mistake.
gets more laughs out of his farts compared to certain things written here!
honey, if you ate half the makeup you put on your face, you'd be pretty on the inside too ;)
Before I let you sit at my table I gotta see what you bringing to it.
Okay. They really should change the name of Judge Judy's show to: "Evidence, Shmevidence. He Just LOOKS Guilty!"
“The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11 months old
If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything...
I bet if you added them up Cher has had more surgeries than Chaz.
this guy predicting the apocalypse is camping? Seriously, all this brouhaha caused by one homeless guy?
Moment of panic: When someone walks in while you're taking a crap at work or school
Sometimes I need to hold my girlfriend underwater in order to find her leak then I can throw a vinyl patch on her and go about my business.
first day of summer and longest day of the year. Will this day ever end!
And the Thunder rolls... Right outta the playoffs.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate. 