Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Today is April Fools Day. Believe nothing, and trust no one. “So it’s like any other day. Right?

   I can't believe you brought to this restaurant that doesn't have any liquor. What am I suppose to eat!?

   Just took some cough syrup. I made that scrunchie face and shook my head just like I was a little kid.

   Kim Kardashian is reproducing. It's Kim's egg mixed with Kanyes' seed. Touche' Mayans.

   I never order a Happy Meal. I order three. And yes, I get the toy. I eat it for the fiber.

   the hardest job in the world has to be a toothpick salesman. I still have half a box left I bought in 1997!

   Found a gray nose hair. Transformation to Gandalf: 1% complete.

   I am just a girl standing in front of a stalker, asking him to leave her the hell alone.

   having Fiasco perform at a pre-inaugural party sure turned out to be a fiasco!!

   why does every ginger thinks she looks like Daphne from Scooby Doo??

   I want to find a woman that speaks in Cliff Notes.

   Taco Bell is PACKED today.

   If you're one of the people wasting hours of your life throughout the day watching the live stream of that giraffe that refuses to have her baby, just stop. She'll most likely birth at like 3:30am while you're all asleep anyways. #ShesFakingIt #Shejustfat

   Have you ever farted so hard you saw cartoon birds circling your head?

   If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a few payments

   The difference between a Socialist and a legitimate homeless guy holding a sign on a street corner, is the guy with the sign is at least putting forth SOME degree of effort to support himself.

   ....... On behalf of Planet Earth ........ "HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!"

   Regardless of what you believe I think we can all agree that God is real and you're a Christian.

   America’s policy of shooting first and asking questions later has always been their downfall. I mean, just think how useful King Kong could have been on September the 11th.

   Taxes are basically a yearly subscription to the country you live. Childhood is the Free Trial.