Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   In 50 years, a bunch of 80 year-olds will know all the words to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song.

   big story in the paper about a movie called Super 8. I must be getting old because I don't remember the first 7 movies of that series.

   has a blind date tonight.... Hoping she likes the smell of chloroform.

   Today in the car my nephews taught me that SlugBug and Perdidle weren't the only car ride punch games. There's also CruiserBruiser, RamBam, MustangBang, and ChevyShoves. So I made up the HumrBumr and the Haiyundai Chop. Uncles can do that you know.

   My ex started complaining about a fly buzzing around the room, but a few swift, heavy handed, well placed smacks solved that problem. The fly on the other hand started to get kind of annoying.....

   I think it's funny that whoever deleted me from Facebook was so important that I dont know who it is...and don't care!

   In light of recent reports, is Taco Bell allowed this Lent?

   I dont have a gambling problem!! How much you wanna bet?

   France, once again, takes up the fight in the defense of freedom and liberty.....

   Finger prick tests are being developed to test people for radiation in the wake of the Japan disaster. Apparently if the person's blood comes out glowing fluorescent green, there might be a problem.

   If you only have one photo on you're Facebook you are either a spammer, or a loser, either way don't request me as a friend.

   What does Mario spend all those gold coins on? He has one outfit, travels by foot & lives in the sewer

   Order Food, Eat Food, Put on a MAGA Hat, get kicked out, don't pay

   No one lives in Windmill Alley anymore. They all died of cancer.

   can’t stop thinking about people that first ate mushrooms they found and just had to go through trial and error of like, this one tastes like beef, this one killed Brian immediately and this one makes you see God for a week

   Do you know is not for some people smoking Marijuana the murder rate would be a lot higher than it is.. So get high and keep the murder rate low. . .

   North Korea and China are pretty much going to do what they want, because Asian culture does not respect Russian puppets.

   My toddler just demonstrated far superior negotiation skills than the President in talking his way into a cookie before dinner.

   If you have a facebook page that features both you and your girl....you're a h0m0.

   Seeing a spider is not a problem. It becomes a problem when you can no longer see it.