Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The definition of surprise: a fart with a lump in it.

   Someone gave me a free pen without their knowledge today. Well, I took a pen.

   So I asked her “what is that alluring perfume you’re wearing “ and she says “OFF Mosquito repellent “ Gets me every time!

   What business makes money by driving their customers away........ A taxi.

   Guys, you'll really never know your woman untill you are married to her.

   Petrichor, n. the smell of rain on dry earth

   Ive made mistakes;been a mistake;met/been involved with some mistakes;learned from mistakes;will make other mistakes-I'm not perfect;but dont mistake me for an idiot.!!!

   I always Google before reading directions to anything !

   Proof that a level weirder than weirdness exists

   Hey Osama, must suck when you wake up in Hell & realize those 70 virgins were not women after all, but 70 male virgins that are sooo ready to tear that ass up in Hell.

   Hey Osama I hope you like guy's because I have 72 for you

   This must be the has been edition of celebrity apprentice.

   Decided to add upsets to my bracket this year. So far, I'm the only one that is upset.

   I prepared my self for this rapture by playing zombies on black ops and my wife said it was a waste of time I guess the jokes on her !

   oh crap..they didn't take me but they took the rum!

   Final Words..."These are the GOOD kind of mushrooms"

   it just me, or is each "next big thing" getting less and less big and nexty, and a lot more thingy?

   To make a small fortune in the stock market you need to start with a large fortune

   Now days its Interesting how all Bar Debates end up on Google without a Fight

   why don't they just make service contracts that expire the day before you need them