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Samsung devices can now run 3 apps simultaneously while you can't even hover past incoming calls on the iPhone😩 
Had an absolutely amazing dream last night I feel could change mine and quite possibly millions of other people's lifes forever! if I could just remember what it was about?
It’s like no one is talking about how Game of Thrones fans are due for a world of hurt very soon
Okay, time to be productive!....or in other words log out of facebook. Which by the way is the secret to my success.
Happy Revenge of the Sixth, everyone!
Thanks to Facebook me and my friend's can now send each other invites and make plans months in advance like we're going on an expedition to the upper reaches of Mongolia to get together for a cup of coffee.
I just picked a crumb off my shirt to eat, but it was a fuzz. I chewed it for about 13 seconds before I realized it wasn’t food. My cry for help is almost complete.
I do this weird thing where I feel fabulous then I have to get out of bed
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
If you haven't met someone, don't despair. There are plenty of salmon in the cannon.
Are they bowling to earn soup or bowling on behalf of soup
the four elements are: • earth • fire • air • water • surprise
me: [hitting the space bar] hot alien: hey
Time to go to the liquor store, I’m almost out of holiday spirit
I put the cute in electrocute.
I am not on a plant based diet but my lungs are
Hey ladies, if you want a free pelvic exam, I suggest you try the old "gyne and dash."
1900: Let's filter coffee. 1950: We need to filter cigarettes. 1970: We should really filter water. 2015: I want to filter my face.
Tell me your dreams and fantasies! Mine is seeing Deadpool and Freddy Krueger pillow fight.
A web shooter like Spiderman would have so many uses, like I could grab the chips without leaving the couch. 