Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm a proud member of the LGBT community: Liquor, Guns, Bacon and T|t$.

   Are the dangerous parts of Italy called the Spaghetto?

   I told my wife I wanted a 72" TV, and the very idea made her so mad that for a second I thought I had mistakenly brought home a 72" TV.

   Does chewing on a slipper while having sex count as 'doggy style'?

   will Hurricane Matthew be followed by hurricanes Mark, Luke & John?

   If you make eye contact with yourself while brushing your teeth in the mirror you have to swallow.

   Please stop trying to trick me into a conversation

   I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

   Every time I go to Taco Bell I get diarrhea. Perhaps next time, I should get tacos.

   Happy Father's Day to all you mf'er's out there!

   Remember to leave a Budweiser and a rifle out under you America tree tonight for Kid Rock or he won't leave you any fireworks

   Ate lunch at Cracker Barrel today. I didn't see any barrels but I did see a lot of Crackers!!

   I just put Cheez-Wiz on a Cheez-It......... Like a Boss!

   Sorry to disturb you guys, but is this the right place to sign up for a mental breakdown?

   Would like to warn everyone about the upcoming election, I wont be starting any posts but by golly if it comes up in my news feed be prepared for a piece of my mind. To avoid pieces of my mind showing up in your news feed please dont post on mine.

   In case you were wondering if I smoke pot or not, I just went in my bedroom for my phone charger and left with my belt.

   I hate crickets in the house........except for the one I just killed. He seems alright.

   Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries, rub one ball and everything moves.

   Don't think you can bring that $hit from other places here and get away with it!!

   I'm feeling kinda tired but that's OK. There's a nap for that.