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Accidentally ran over a guy and I stopped to call the ambulance but then I saw his ponytail. Now I'm treating myself with ice cream. 
"Together forever" said no sock ever.
JAB: Well now that there is a prince of Cambridge, I am going to have to claim prince of Somerville before someone else does. .
I qonder if Shamu and Orca get jealous of Shark week
My dad used to beat me with a camera. I still get flash backs
Oh no Chris from Kriss Kross died... You know the 90's rap duo that wore their clothes backwards.... I guess it's down to only Kross Dressing. That's wikkity wikkity wikkity wack!
It could be worse. Kanye and Kim originally wanted to name the kid Wild Wild.
if he or she cheats on him or her with you than he or she is going to cheat on you .
Jesus, Alicia Keys! Are you just going to stand there singing about it, or are you going to help the poor girl?!? GET A BUCKET OF WATER THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!
Your kid can't walk? Let's have a 5k, that'll make them feel better...
Future Jobs For Kellyanne Conway: Curator of the Bowling Green Massacre Memorial Museum.
Constitution signed [X] Morons taking over and ruining it [X] ... We gotta fix this country.
I just read that the Actor who plays Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter said he is going to become a rapper! .... can we all say Expecto Disapointmento!
The next time I go to chruch.. I'm bringin my own wine and crackers!
Respect your parents. They pay for your internet
crap! woke up with a pulse! guess I'm gonna have to work now!
So April 7th is National Beer Day... I want to get "speaking in cursive" drunk.
While surfing for spring and summer fashions on the web, I found myself on the Victoria Secret page when my 13 year old boy-child entered the room. He made the comment, “Isn't that a site for hot girls?” To which I responded, “Go to your room.”
You can call a girl cute or hot and it's basically the same thing... I have found this rule does not apply to babies.
I always choose Pepsi over Coca-Cola because I prefer my soda dehyphenated. 