Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Religion - the undeniably moronic belief that ancient horticulturists and sheep farmers knew more about the origins and workings of our universe than modern-day man could ever, even with all his scientific advancements.

   BBC: North Korea's Kim Jong Un threatening nuclear attack against US. CNN: North Korea may be a nuclear threat. Fox News: Obama causing problems with North Korea

   Donate an organ and give your heart to Jesus

   One thing's for sure: Palin did not have brain implants!!

   Guns don’t kill people, George Zimmerman kills people!

   Man, good thing the Obama family got that dog. I'm pretty sure Sasha and Malia were tired of throwing frisbees at Joe Biden.

   Press Like for Blackberry & Dislike for Iphone

   taking over the world

   This is an "A" and "B" conversation, so "C" your way out before "D" jumps over "E" and "F"'s you up like a "G" :)

   I HATE BEING BI-POLAR....IT'S AWESOME!!!

   Got called "shallow" recently because I said I wasnt really into "plus size" women... received the classic quote, "its not what's on the outside, it's what's inside their heart that counts." yeah, too bad their heart is the size of a Canned Ham.

   BREAKING NEWS: Fox News blames Obama for the earthquake. Also for herpes, World War 1 and "All My Children" getting cancelled.

   You know da day is off to a bad start when you realize you put your dirty socks in the toaster, two slices of bread in the toilet and peed in the laundry hamper.

   Who are the fallen soldiers more mad at (1) Football players who take a knee or (2) A sellout who hands over the presidency of America to Russian control?

   Why do banks attach chains to their pens? If I'm trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.

   there are 70 ways to make a woman happy: No.1 is shopping & the rest is '69'. Its that simple! :)

   My Love is Like Hell! My Family is like Heaven, My Friends are the Best, & I'm Completely Drunk!

   I wanted a good suit for a job interview. The missus said"Why don't you borrow the suit your dad wore at the funeral last week?" It really was a good suit, so I grabbed a shovel,headed for the graveyard and........

   why did helen kellers dog run away?... you would too if your name was hhemirnemingefle

   Going to create a new social networking site called Myface because it would be hilarious to hear someone say, "Have you been on myface today?"