Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hi, my name's Steve, or as the ladies like to call me "Hey, what the hell are you doing in that tree with those binoculars, get out of here you freak!!!"

   can't help but wonder just how different the world would be if people's pants actually caught on fire when they lied. 0 up, 0 down

   I think "Charlie" In The Box is a little light in the spring. If ya know what I mean.

   on a ship of fools in a sea of diarrhea looking for that Island of reality

   Everything about you is sweet and kind and perfect. I can help you change that.

   Deleting ppl from FB has become the new way to hang-up on ppl. I still miss the feeling I get from hanging-up the phone on someone face!!

   In my car, I control the music. If this is a problem for you, just remember this... your life is in my hands. I am the one who is driving. I can kill us.

   There's no "i" in ignorant.

   Sippin' Grillin' Chillin'... MERICA

   I love you all and I am so glad I found you. (me talking to a bag of peanut M & M's I forgot I had

   My phone just changed, 'calendar' to 'cake radar' and now I really wish I had that.

   "Where is it? Oh there it is. Where'd it go? I can't see it. Is that the puck? Oh there it is...wait, lost it again." - me, watching hockey

   Before you cancel my membership you might want to post a sign << Me to manager at my gym because apparently "tickle fairies" aren't allowed in the showers at this gym.

   If attacked by a mob of clowns... Go for the juggler !!!

   I'm gonna survive tomorrow cause I got a pack of sensu beans and all 7 dragonballs. I'm good.

   "You are what you eat" That's funny, I don't remember eating a legend lately...

   I'm sitting next to a fat bulldog and you have the nerve to blame ME for that stinker, woman?.....(well played I say to myself).

   bored? send a text to a random number that says "I hid the body" what's next boss?

   La, la, la,,♫♪♫,,,,,,I have a structured settlement, but I need crap now....

   I can move objects with my mind if I use my hands...